Lifestyle Parenting

Lifestyle || I Am Not Married to My ‘Husband’

February 25, 2015
Left: Us in our Kindergarten class photo Right: The Valentine's Card I sent him in 1988

Left: Us in our Kindergarten class photo
Right: The Valentine’s Card I sent him in 1988

I’ve been with my ‘hubby’ for almost 15 years now. We have one of those great meet-cute stories: we were in kindergarten together, then attended separate schools until high school where we hung out with different crowds – I was a nerd, he was a skateboarder.

We never really spoke two words to each other until he asked me to be his prom/grad date back in 2000. The rest is history.


Our first date, high school graduation in June of 2000. Weren’t we adorable?

I guess you would say I ‘married my high-school sweetheart’. But you’d be wrong. We have two beautiful kids together, live together, have built a home together, but we are NOT married.

Why not? That’s a good question.

Marriage has never been a priority for us. We decided we wanted to have kids after about 8 years together, and we never felt that we needed to be married first. But now that we’ve had kids and are settled in our new ‘forever’ home, I want to get married.

You’d think that as a non-religious feminist that the whole marriage institution would bug me, and yes, parts of it does. But I fight for everyone to have equal rights, and I believe everyone should have the right to marry whoever they want, if they want to, and that includes me.

I would love to have the same last name as my children (though to be honest, I’d probably hyphenate my name to include my maiden name as well since after 32 years, it’s my identity). When my son’s preschool teacher calls me Mrs. Anderson, it takes me time to realize he’s talking to me, because that’s not my name. When I fill out forms for the school or government, I feel like I have to explain why as their mother I don’t have the same name as them. Or it’s a pain for medical offices or recreation facilities to look up our family file, because I can never remember whether it is under my last name or theirs.

Our little family

Our little family

I would love to call my boyfriend my ‘husband’ and have it not feel like a lie. Technically he is my ‘common-law partner’, but I still refer to him as my ‘hubby’ or ‘husband’, because ‘boyfriend’ seems to casual, and ‘partner of 15 years with whom I have two children and share a home’ is too overwhelming.

I would love for that extra feeling of commitment that comes with being married. We are 100% committed to each other, but I feel like marriage just solidifies it a little more. Some people say that marriage is just a piece of paper and doesn’t change anything, but then those same people get married and say that they don’t know why, but it changes EVERYTHING.

And to be clear, I want to be married. I don’t want a wedding.

My husband HATES weddings and being the center of attention, which according to him, is his main reason for him not asking me to marry him. I am not keen on the whole wedding thing either – I would love to plan a gorgeous wedding, but it’s so much work and money. At this point a quick trip to Vegas, or eloping in Scotland or on some beach somewhere all sound like amazing options to me.

So will we ever get married? Only time will tell. But I hope so. And hopefully it doesn’t take another 15 years.

If you are in a similar relationship or want to help me out by sending some words of encouragement to my hubby, please comment below!

2017 Update:

Well. I just re-read this article and I’m having a bit of a hard time with it, because you know what, I don’t want to get married anymore.

I’ve adjusted to parents and teachers and my kids’ friends calling me whatever feels appropriate to them, and I respect those who ask me what I would like to be called.

I don’t want a wedding AT ALL, I’ve actually grown to despise them after the amount of weddings I’ve photographed over the last number of years.

I want to keep my name. I don’t want a new name, and I don’t want to hyphenate it.

I call Tyler whatever I feel like calling him. Most of the time it’s ‘hubby’ because it’s the closest thing to calling him my husband without being too formal about it.

But yeah. I don’t know if it’s just me growing older or the fact that no one really asks us anymore, but I don’t want to get married. Sorry.


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